Patina, Newburyport and the Soul of the City

April 1st, 2013

Definition of Patina:

“A surface appearance of something grown beautiful especially with age or use.” Merriam-Webster

If you ever watch anything on TV that has to do with old stuff, from the tonier PBS “Antiques Road Show,” to the newer “Pawn Stars” on the History Channel, something old would be brought in, and if it has been refinished, and the original finish has been removed, whether it’s an old gun, a coin or an old piece of furniture, the value of that piece, whatever it might be, would be greatly, greatly diminished.

Same thing with small historic seacoast New England cities, i.e. Newburyport.

When I moved her over 30 years ago, Newburyport had a whole lot of soul and patina. I loved walking down the street and feel the stories behind the homes that I would walk past.

Lately, I’ve heard people use the word “slummy,” even for existing parts of Newburyport.  Yes, really - “slummy.”

Slummy seems to be the new word for anything that hasn’t been torn down, or torn apart and is looking shiny and new.

What I would call “patina” in Newburyport, is now being rebranded as “slummy.”

An historic home, one that is 75 years old, or in Newburyport’s case much, much older, that has been lovingly restored, retains its soul, its patina.  An historic property in Newburyport that has been torn down, or ripped apart so that almost nothing exists, that property, has not only lost its patina, its soul is gone as well, and in my mind, no offense or anything, so has its value, in this particular place, Newburyport, Massachusetts.

A home that has been decimated here and there in Newburyport, Newburyport’s soul and patina still exists.  Keep adding to those homes that have been decimated and the soul of the city gradually disappears, and nope, it cannot be regained.

There are many keepers of the Newburyport’s soul in this city.  And one of those entities that are entrusted with its soul is our Historical Commission (not the Historical Society, two completely different entities).

And back, quite a while ago, when things were really beginning to be decimated, the city, the Historical Commission and the Newburyport City Council, put Newburyport’s Demo Delay in place.  It was a way to get people to stop for a little while, have a discussion about their small piece of the soul of the city.  And the Historical Commission could enact a time period, at the moment it is one year, to delay demolition, and to explore options, and hopefully retain that part of the city’s soul. Or not, the owner or developer could tear down the structure at the end of the demo delay, if they chose to, and at that time the city’s building inspector would issue the appropriate permits.

What is so destructive about the new Demo Delay Ordinance proposed by City Councilor Bob Cronin, and co-sponsored by City Councilor Dick Sullivan, who is also running for mayor, is that the ordinance focuses on structural choices, giving the building inspector say over what gets demolished, and what does not.  The proposed ordinance does not focus on the soul of the city.  And that soul, that patina, is why so many of us come to Newburyport to live, visit, work and play.

Bushee Estate Demolished for a Subdivision

January 25th, 2013

The Bushee estate on Newman Road has been demolished for a subdivision.  That’s a “Yikes.”

The home that carried her ( Florence E. Bushee) name boasted a twin chimney 2 1/2-story colonial with 13 rooms and eight open fireplaces, ornamental gardens, a carriage house, a post and beam cow barn and multi-stall horse barn.”  Newburyport Daily News, January 25, 2102

The entire article can be read here (it’s worth reading!!).

Newburyport Carpetbaggers, the 95%

December 10th, 2012

Carpetbagger

Carpetbagger

One Newburyport City Councilor got up in the Newburyport City Council chambers and lamented that all these “newcomers” were coming in and telling the folks who were born and raised here what to do.

Another Newburyport City Councilor got up (Thursday night) and said how Newburyport was a working class town, and seemed to intimate that it was still a working class town.  No it’s not. In the year 2012, Newburyport is an upper-middle class city, quickly approaching a upper class enclave - especially when Mr. Karp starts building.

Honey, it ain’t your father’s Newburyport anymore.

If you haven’t noticed the carpetbagger thing has really, really gotten out of hand lately.  You don’t just have the carpetbaggers who came in the first wave, in the mid to late 1970’s and very early 1980’s,  right after Urban Renewal renewed.  There was a wave in the late 1990’s after the MBTA came back to town. Remember that, a big housing spike when a lot of the old timers cashed in.  I remember folks saying  that it was a joke that anyone would want to live in Newburyport’s South End. There was a lot of bitterness about how high the taxes had gotten because of the housing boom, but that money bought more house not so far away, in a place where there weren’t so many doctors, lawyers and financial folks. Where the working class folks felt more comfortable.

And then the super duper influx around 2005, when Mr. Karp bought so much land and real-estate downtown.  Yup, and people have just kept coming, with more and more money, lots more money.  And the old-timers, the natives, they pay attention and they vote, but their numbers just ain’t what they used to be.  It’s not your father’s Newburyport by any stretch of the imagination, no how, no way, any more.

14 Russia Street, Newburyport, Adios??

December 5th, 2012

Thanks to the P.Preservationist for the heads-up, as well as Newburyport City Councilor Ed Cameron for the photo (I “borrowed”) and the link to the ZBA meeting.

14 Russia Street, Newburyport, headed for the chopping block by one of our own local developers.

This is why we need a demo delay with teeth, NOT a one year demo delay, good grief!!  Katy Ives is only proposing 2 years. We need more than 2 years (and 2 years is not “a taking,” for goodness sakes!!)

The Newburyport City Council is going to “chat” about Councilor Ives “compromise,” I can see some minor tweaking, but major watering down of even that in a search for some votes.  Hello.

We have a gorgeous, charming place here. The Newburyport City Council has a tremendous and noble opportunity.  Councilor Ives “no demo overlay” for Newburyport’s Historic District - it’s a good idea!!

Councilor Cameron is right, “Newburyport - Death by a thousand paper cuts!!”  Not going to be such a fun place to work, live and play, or eventually make any money off your house when you go to sell it, if the Newburyport City Council doesn’t step up to the plate and do something significant! with a few teeth and a little chutzpah already!! Enough with the caving in to the extreme property rights, minority “wing” of the Newburyport population!!  Man-up!!

14 Russia Street, headed for the chopping block

14 Russia Street, headed for the chopping block

What Newburyport Used to Look Like, “A Measure of Change”

December 4th, 2012

Link to "A Measure of Change"

Link to "A Measure of Change"

This video is worth posting again, and if you haven’t seen it take a look, or if you have seen it, it’s pretty amazing and might be worth a gander again.

It’s about what Newburyport used to look like not so long ago in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. It’s not the gorgeous downtown we all know and love now.  And downtown Newburyport no longer has any protection (it ended in 2005).  The Newburyport City Council has a fantastic opportunity now to put protection of downtown Newburyport back in place.  It would be a noble and intelligent thing to do.

The film “A Measure of Change” was made in 1975 by Lawrence Rosenblum on what the city looked like before Urban Renewal.  A link to the video which is now online can be found here.

A Really Good Compromise on Newburyport’s LHD

November 28th, 2012

This sounds like a really good compromise on Newburyport’s Local Historic District (LHD) sponsored on Monday night by Newburyport City Councilors Katy Ives and Bob Cronin. Excellent work!!  I hope it is one that the Newburyport City Councilors see as a “win-win” alternative.

The proposals address what Councilor Ives called the “most egregious” situations affecting our historic assets in the city of Newburyport, i.e. demolition, as well as protecting downtown Newburyport, the restoration of which is responsible for the revitalization of a once dying city.

A very well written article in the Newburyport Daily News about the the proposals sponsored by Councilors Katy Ives and Bob Cronin can be read here.

When Newburyport Looked Like a Slum

November 15th, 2012

Newburyport 1967, courtesy of the Archival Center at the Newburyport Public Library (press image to enlarge)

Newburyport 1967, courtesy of the Archival Center at the Newburyport Public Library (press image to enlarge)

I was telling a business owner this week that Newburyport didn’t always look the way it looks now.  The business owner commutes from just outside Boston, and has had their business in Newburyport for over 10 years.  It was a complete shock to them that this now gorgeous place was literally in “shambles,” a slum in 1967.

The Archival Center at the Newburyport Public Library graciously let me take photos of their archives of Newburyport from 1967-1974, HUD, NRA and Urban Renewal.  A link to the 54 photographs that I took from the Newburyport Archival Center can be found here.

Newburyport, Inn Street, 1974

October 25th, 2012

Inn Street, 1974 (press image to enlarge)

Inn Street, 1974 (press image to enlarge)

Inn Street, downtown Newburyport, 1974 (press image to enlarge)
Courtesy of the Archives at the Newburyport Public Library.

Newburyport, Two Views of Pleasant Street

October 24th, 2012

Two views of Newburyport’s Downtown, Pleasant Street from two different time periods.

Unitarian Church, Pleasant Street, 1929, courtesy of the Boston Public Library, Print Department (press image to enlarge)

Unitarian Church, Pleasant Street, 1929, courtesy of the Boston Public Library, Print Department (press image to enlarge)

Church of the First Religious Society in Newburyport (Unitarian), Newburyport, MA
Boston Public Library, Print Department, 1929
Leon H. Abdalian, photographer
Glass Negative

Newburyport's Pleasant Street

Newburyport's Pleasant Street (press image to enlarge)

Newburyport’s Pleasant Street from upper Inn Street, March 1, 1974
Courtesy of the Archives at the Newburyport Public Library.

And this Sunday, October 28, 2012, author and architect Jonathan Hale talks about his 40-year love affair with Newburyport, “Newburyport is a Work of Art: Why its Architecture is Rare and Irreplaceable.” The program is sponsored by the Newburyport Preservation Trust, and it is at 4 p.m. at the Custom House Maritime Museum, Water Street, Newburyport.

Newburyport Redevelopment Authority, the NRA’s New Plan

September 14th, 2012

A friend and I were talking yesterday, and they asked me what did I think of the new NRA’s proposal for Newburyport’s waterfront.

And I said, “I don’t know.”

And they said, “I don’t know.”

We’ve both lived in Newburyport for over 30 years and watched the ongoing NRA waterfront saga.

We both agreed that for the “Citizens for an Open Waterfront” (COWs as they have often been referred to over the many, many decades that this has gone on) having an open waterfront is a religion.  And there are many, many folks in town that I know, like and respect very much, that feel fervently that nothing ever should be built on that piece of property.

Mayor Holaday was elected some 3 years ago over James Shanley in part because she was for an “Open Waterfront.”  She won, and I thought at the time, Ok we can finally get on with that idea.

But the “new” idea proposed by then candidate James Shanley (now chair of the NRA, appointed by governor Deval Partrick), of having limited building on the NRA parcel to pay for the open space has gained, yup, traction.

I got out the old photo I have courtesy of the Historical Society of Old Newbury, or as it’s known in Newburyport as “The HIST,” of the NRA lots, c 1920, way before Newburyport’s Urban Renewal took place (click image below to enlarge), and there is no open space at all in what once existed before the bulldozers came in the late 1960s.

NRA land c. 1920, courtesy of the Historical Society of Old Newbury, press to enlarge.

NRA land c. 1920, courtesy of the Historical Society of Old Newbury, press image to enlarge.

And my friend and I compared it to the new proposal by the NRA (click image below to enlarge), and we both agreed that there was a fair amount of open space, and that it looked reasonable.

NRA plans, 2012, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge.

NRA plans, 2012, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge.

NRA plans, 2012, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge.

NRA site plan, aerial view, courtesy of the NRA. Press image to enlarge.

NRA site plan, aerial view, courtesy of the NRA. Press image to enlarge.

NRA site plan, aerial view, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge.

I guess the question now is, “What is considered open space on Newburyport’s waterfront’s NRA lots?”  Lots and lots of open space, or open space, but less open space, with a plan to pay for it (and a park would be wicked expensive).

And for me, will this NRA saga finally be resolved, which I would like a lot, or will it never be resolved in my lifetime, and continue to be a Newburyport political third rail? Hang on to your hats, we’ll find out.

A couple of more images, courtesy of the NRA, for clarification:

NRA lots, aerial view, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge

NRA lots, aerial view, courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge

An aerial view of the NRA lots as they are today, courtesy of the NRA. Press image to enlarge.

Boundaries of the NRA land, courtesy of the NRA. Press image to enlarge.

Boundaries of the NRA land, courtesy of the NRA. Press image to enlarge.

Delineation of the property boundaries, of the NRA, the Waterfront Trust and the Ways to the Water as well as an approximate low water mark.  Courtesy of the NRA, press image to enlarge.

To see the entire presentation of the new plans for the NRA lots, given at the Firehouse on September 12, 2012, press here (takes a while to load).

Preservation is in the Business of Saving Communities

August 16th, 2012

Preservation is in the business of saving communites

Preservation is in the business of saving communities

Newburyport preservation quotes:

“There may have been a time when preservation was about saving an old building here and there, but those days are gone. Preservation is in the business of saving communities and the values they embody.”

—Richard Moe, National Trust for Historic Preservation

Newburyport, Demolition on High Street

August 9th, 2012

182 High, courtesy of the City of Newburyport

182 High Street, courtesy of the City of Newburyport

The strange story of 182 High Street.

182 High Street has been lovingly restored by its present owner.  The property contains a beautiful 200+ year old carriage barn, which the owner wanted to restore in 2010.  The owner jumped  through many hoops, as anyone who has done such a thing knows - Zoning Board, Planning Board, Historical Commission,  and just a few feet short of the finishline, withdrew the application to continue the project.

Public record shows that the boards and commissions in the city were enthusiastic about the project.  Public records show that the Planning Board thanked the applicant and their team, noted the applicant’s sensitivity toward the historical nature of the property, the reduction of occupancy level and preservation of historical structures. (January 12, 2010).

In July of 2012, however, the owner chose to demolish the beautiful carriage barn at 182 High Street.  A one year demo delay was imposed.  Head scratching all around.

In January 2010 public record shows that the owner wanted to make every attempt to preserve and rehabilitate all the historical aspects of the carriage barn, and to ensure that it would be in keeping with the restoration that was being done on the Federal Period home.

To do what the homeowner desired from a zoning point of view, requires  something called “public benefit.”  The public benefit in 2010 was, without any question on anyone’s part, including the homeowner’s - historic preservation.

If the carriage barn at 182 High is indeed demolished and a new structure built in its place, the owner would still be required to show “public benefit,” as well as go through all the zoning and planning board hoops.  The attorney for the owner was able to say with a straight face, that the public benefit could be affordable housing.

More head scratching all around.  The stated goal in 2010 was to use the structure as a guest house for visiting family members.  Affordable housing would eliminate that possibility, and affordable housing on High Street?? like having affordable housing on Park Avenue. Happy neighbors?? one wonders.

One of the ironies here is that the significantly historical house in Newbury, the Tappan House, bought for 1.6 million dollars, was demolished for a swimming pool, but the barn was kept to be made into, yup, you got it, a guest house.

The historical write-up of the 1792 home at 182 High Street can be found on the city’s website here.

Home in Newburyport Under Pressure to be Demolished for Profit

August 7th, 2012

284 Water Street, Courtesy of the City of Newburyport

284 Water Street, Courtesy of the City of Newburyport

“The property, built in 1810, is assessed at $810,700, according to city records. It is a Georgian-style residence with nine rooms (four bedrooms) and two fireplaces. Size of the house is 2,723 square feet, and the structure has unobstructed views of the inlet across Water Street. Several smaller buildings are also on the property…

Abutters at the commission meeting suggested that an owner could get that much or more if owners tore it down, and offered a clear lot to a buyer who might build a larger structure.

The application requests a permit for “demolition of a single-family home, garage, barn and shed…”

“Newburyport’s equivalent of the Tappan House tear-down in Newbury.” - a reference to a significant historic home in Newbury that was bought for 1.6 million dollars and demolished to build a pool (information about the former Tappan House can be read here).

The entire story in the Newburyport Daily News can be read here.

The photo of 284 Water Street is courtesy of the City of Newburyport, and the photo and historic write-up of the home can be read here.

Current photos of the property can be seen here.

And a YouTube video of 284 Water Street can be seen here.

Newburyport Under Pressure to Develop Real Estate for Profit

August 7th, 2012

56 High Street, Courtesy of the City of Newburyport

56 High Street, Courtesy of the City of Newburyport

“Sure, we can still have homeowner’s rights and the proposed LHD provides for this. But more than ever before, the City of Newburyport is under pressure to develop real estate for profit, not just for its people and the quality of life. This city has become a destination specifically because of its historical support for preservation, not despite its history.”

Peter Erickson, Newburyport Daily News, Viewpoint can be read here

Peter Erickson is a former chair of the Newburyport Historic Commission and has lived on High Street for 24 years. Peter Erickson’s family home on High Street. Photo courtesy of the City of Newburyport which can be seen with the entire write-up about the property here (photo was taken in 1980).

Citizens for Historic Newburyport to Take Down “Yes! LHD” Signs

June 22nd, 2012

This is a press release from Citizens for Historic Newburyport

Citizens for Historic Newburyport (CHN) thank Mayor Donna Holaday for speaking in support of a Local Historic District (LHD) at last night’s public hearing, and take to heart her appeal for all lawn signs and banners to be removed as the proposal moves to the Newburyport City Council.

LHD Yes! signs were made available by CHN last March at the request of residents upset by the appearance of signs installed earlier by opponents of historic district protections.  Within days of becoming available, more than 200 LHD YES! signs were displayed by residents throughout the city.

“We think we’ve made our point,” said Jared Eigerman on behalf of CHN. “Proponents of an LHD are steadfast in their support of sensible, mainstream legislation to protect Newburyport’s historic character. Our 11 City Councillors will now take up the issue, and people of all views can contact them directly and at hearings going forward. Lawn signs won’t aid those deliberations.”

CHN volunteers have already begun to remove LHD Yes! signs in a process which should be completed by the end of the weekend.

Public Hearing on Newburyport’s Proposed Local Historic District (LHD) and Updated Information.

June 8th, 2012

There will be a Public Hearing (this is the legally required one) on the Newburyport’s proposed Local Historic District (LHD),Thursday June 21, 2012, at 7PM at the Newburyport High School Auditorium (not City Hall).

Below is the summary of the LHD Ordinance and the LHD Ordinance updates (3rd draft, now officially called the “Preliminary Report”).  Press images to enlarge.

LHD Ordinance Summary, page 1 (press image to enlarge)

LHD Ordinance Summary, page 1 (Press image to enlarge)

LHD Ordinance Summary, Page 1, Excluded Items and Reviewable Items  (Press image to enlarge)

LHD Ordinance Summary, page 2 (Press image to enlarge)

LHD Ordinance Summary, page 2 (Press image to enlarge)

LHD Ordinance Summary, Page 2, Additional Changes (Press image to enlarge)

The PDF version can be read here:  2012-public-hearing-lhd-ordinance-summary2

Or you can read the PDF version on the City of Newburyport’s website here.

Map of Newburyport's proposed Local Historic District (LHD), Press to enlarge

Map of Newburyport's proposed Local Historic District (LHD), Press to enlarge

This is the map of the proposed Newburyport Local Historic District (Press to enlarge). It can also be seen on the City’s website here.

Complete information on the updates on Newburyport’s proposed Local Historic District (LHD) can be read on the City’s website here.

The Newburyport School Vote and Senior Center Passes

June 5th, 2012

The Newburyport school vote and the Senior Center Passes!!

Good go’n Newburyport!!

Below are the election results thanks to the Port Pride Facebook page!!

School vote and Senior Center passes (photo thanks to the Port Pride Facebook page)

School vote and Senior Center passes (photo thanks to the Port Pride Facebook page)

Here is a breakdown of the voting totals, thanks to Newburyport City Councilor Ed Cameron.

Question 1, Building a new Bresnahan Model School building (Press to enlarge)

Question 1, press to enlarge

Question 1, (Press to enlarge)

Question 2, Renovating and upgrading the Nock/Molin Upper Elementary school (Press to enlarge)

Question 2 (Press to enlarge)

Question 2 (Press to enlarge)

Question 3, Building a new Senior & Community Center (Press to enlarge)

Question 3 (Press to enlarge)

Question 3 (Press to enlarge)

All three questions together (Press to enlarge)

Newburyport Election, June 5, 2012

Newburyport Election, June 5, 2012 (Press to enlarge)

Newburyport Anti-LHD Propaganda

May 7th, 2012

The anti-LHD folks, we will scare you with lies.  (LHD = Newburyport’s proposed Local Historic District) The impression that some of the anti-LHD folks would give you is that Newburyport’s proposed Local Historic District is “Un-American.”  Really, I’m not kidding here.

“Another layer of Socialist bureaucracy, by a board of permit Komaczars…unAmerican.” I personally have received the moniker of “Nazi,” “Communist,” “Controlling zealot.” And these folks aren’t just throwing words around because they’ve had a bad day, unfortunately, they actually mean it.

And they will not compromise, period.  All on record.

So the anti-LHD poster below, over the top, unfortunately folks, no.  This is what they would like you to think about any version of Newburyport’s proposed LHD.

Sheer propaganda.

What the anti-LHD folks would like you to think about Newburyport's proposed LHD

What the anti-LHD folks would like you to think about Newburyport's proposed LHD

Propaganda often presents facts selectively (thus possibly lying by omission) to encourage a particular synthesis, or uses loaded messages to produce an emotional rather than rational response to the information presented. The desired result is a change of the attitude toward the subject in the target audience to further a political agenda.”

And what we’re doing is talking about protecting Newburyport’s historic assets here.  UnAmerican?  Oy Vey.

The Anti-LHD Folks, We will Scare you with Lies

May 4th, 2012

This next number in the Newburyport Local Historic District (LHD) musical, “LHD-Bombshell,” (working title, see earlier posts), I think I’m going to call, “We will scare you, no matter what it takes.”

The scene opens with a row of 5 doors, set diagonally across the side of the stage.  The doors are all painted different colors.  And then, I think there would be 5 women all dressed the same, with the same wig, a piece of paper in hand.

Lights go up on the 5 doors and the 5 women march as if they are going door to door, and they line up in front of the five doors and knock, maybe pound  on the doors and then stand back.

And then in unison the 5 doors open.

The musical number begins. The five women launch into song, “We will scare you about LHD, no matter what it takes.”

The first one sings, “Your home insurance premiums will go through the roof with LHD.”

The second one sings, “A board of appointed experts (who don’t even live here) will control your life.”

The third one sings, “With LHD you will be lost in litigation.”

The fourth one sings, “You’ll never be able to do anything ever to your house.”

The fifth one sings, “The LHD gestapo will make you pay fines, fines, fines.”

marktwain1

Mark Twain

And on the other side of the stage, historic preservationists, sitting on the edge of the stage, others standing behind them sing, “It’s not true, it’s a lie, don’t believe them, don’t believe them, they are lying.”

And, I debated how to do this again, but I think I’m going with Mark Twain one more time, even though the quote is not attributed to him.  Everyone stops singing, lights go dim,  the Mark Twain character walks on stage, center stage, spotlight on him,  turns to the audience and says, not sings, “A lie told often enough becomes the truth” (the old proof by repeated assertion technique).

The stage goes dark.

And yes, the lies, misinformation, omission of the facts about Newburyport’s proposed Local Historic District (LHD) is off the charts, and “proof by repeated  assertion,” what a way to lose Newburyport’s historic assets. Oy Vey.

Proof by assertion: “Proof by assertion, sometimes informally referred to as proof by repeated assertion, is a logical fallacy (a statement or an argument based on a false or invalid inference) in which a proposition is repeatedly restated regardless of contradiction. Sometimes this may be repeated until challenges dry up, at which point it is asserted as fact due to its not being contradicted (argumentum ad nauseam).”

You can read the entire explanation of what “proof by repeated assertion” is here.

The Newburyport Local Historic District (LHD) Musical, the Conspiracy Number

May 3rd, 2012

I’m thinking about a second number for Newburyport’s Local Historic District (LHD) musical, “LHD-Bombshell” (working title, see previous posts).

As I’ve said in earlier posts we have the John Birch Society mixed in with this wild LHD concoction. Again, you can’t make this stuff up.  So they’re not going to make an appearance in the musical?  Forget it. This is way too yummy.

So this is what I’m thinking, we have a guy decked out in a suit, gray hair slicked back, emerging center stage, the lights go dim to bright on him and he bursts out with the new musical number, “It’s a conspiracy.”  The lyrics go something like, “It’s a conspiracy, the LHD is a UN conspiracy. Historic preservation destroys the masses.”

And then we have the lady who’s on tape (see earlier post) who accused the Mayor of Newburyport and the LHD Study Committee of conspiracy (and if she was willing to say this on tape, she must believe it, right?) and we have her character emerge from behind the John Birch character, and burst into song with, “Yes, it’s a conspiracy, the LHD will ruin your life!”

And when I felt this whole weird LHD mess was because of the John Birch Society, and some of our more right wing conspiracy minded Republican friends, I thought to myself, “That’s unrealistic Mary, the Republicans in Newburyport are out numbered by the Democrats.” (Although there are Republicans that support Newburyport’s LHD, this is not just a Democrat liberal agenda thing by any means–it’s most definitely non-partisan.)

So we got to have the townies in this number.

In the musical “The Producers” where they have the musical number with the little old ladies and the walkers and everyone gasps at first. Well, I think I’m going to borrow from that one.  The townies, like it or not, are a dying breed here in Newburyport, forced out by gentrification and higher taxes, and they are pissed.

So I’m thinking we have one townie with a walker, and maybe 7 or 8  eventually emerge, and they burst out into song, “They (the Birchers) are so good at this, shall we let them just have their way.” The lyrics go something like, “They’ll get rid of these elitist blow-in carpetbaggers, the ridiculous architectural gestapo, taste-police!”  You get the idea.

Will the curtain go up on the musical "LHD-Bombshell" (working title).

Will the curtain go up on the musical "LHD-Bombshell" (working title).

And then at the end, the LHD Study Committee shuffles in as a group; they do a huddle, and then turn around and look at the Birchers and the townies in the walkers, and kneel down and huddle again. They are now center stage with the Birchers and the townies singing wildly on either side (clearly this is another ensemble number).

And then the singing stops, the lights are just on the LHD Study Committee huddle, and then one member stands up, dressed in a suit, looking dapper, spotlight just on him.

It goes something like this. The LHD Study Committee character, living here in Newburyport let’s say for well over 40 years (still considered a carpetbagger), “My…(pause)… We are in a shit storm… (pause)  And we are surrounded by crazy people.”

Lights out. The conspiracy musical number, “LHD-Bomshell” (working title).